I have a sister and we have done life together for over 50 years. As adults, we have developed a close and meaningful relationship. We are different, and yet we share a common family bond that will never go away. Navigating sibling relationships can be tricky. There is no perfect relationship and the same is true for siblings. However, we can grow in our relationships. It takes making a choice to invest and to learn how to connect with those we care about.

It was going to be a serious and potentially difficult conversation with someone he loved. My friend Jack knew that in order for it to go well, he had to do more than simply communicate his concerns. He was a Leading Lion in the MAD (our Make A Difference personality profile) terminology, and she was a Tranquil Turtle. That’s why he decided to create a runway that would lead to a productive conversation. Jack knew that his loved one needed time to prepare and time to process when dealing with important matters. He also knew that as a Turtle, she would not respond well to emotional or aggressive language.

Reflecting on the Turtles in my life, I've come to realize that they not only possess wisdom but also create a nurturing environment of safety. It's a journey that requires us to slow down and invest the time and effort to truly connect with them. While the Turtle’s slow-and-steady pace may challenge some, the transformative results are undeniably worth the journey.

Do you know someone who has natural charisma? This person can naturally talk to anyone about anything at any time. I know a person who has those qualities. He is fun to be around and seems to have tons of friends in his life. The truth is that many mistake his natural people skills for joy or fulfillment. They think that his extrovert personality equals always being happy and on top of the world. He is misunderstood. Once he became aware of a few things about himself, he was able to communicate with others on a deeper level.

We were walking at my favorite place in the world, the beach. Specifically, the beach in Gulf Shores, Alabama. Lately, the shorelines are filled with seashells. They arrive in all shapes, sizes, and colors. As we were walking, my wife, Melanie, said, “They all have one thing in common… they are broken”.

I know a couple who have very different perspectives. She is a detail-oriented Camel, and he is a big-picture Lion who is not detailed in the least. They struggled to communicate and to hear what the other was truly trying to say. Things changed when they learned to speak each other’s personality language. The husband said that learning how to communicate with his camel wife was truly a game changer for their relationship. Here are 3 things to remember when communicating with a Competent Camel:

A leader was trying to communicate with a colleague who has a Lion personality. The Lion made many assumptions, dominated the conversation, and totally did not hear what the other person was trying to say. This resulted in frustration and damaged their working relationship. It is important to understand how to communicate with Lions. Here are a few things to remember when engaging with a Lion:

I love this time of year. It’s the month that some call “March Madness”. While I’m pumped about this season of basketball, I am more excited about our own “MADness”. For us, MAD stands for Make A Difference, and we use it to refer to our personality assessment that has been taken by over a million individuals in the last 25 years. For us, that statistic is exciting not because of the number of times our profile has been used, but because of the number of people and relationships that have been impacted and strengthened as a result.

I have observed thousands of relationships and have definitive proof that all successful relationships take work. Those who allow their lives and interactions with others to become stale and stagnant will eventually fail at being fulfilled in their relationships and ultimately, in their life. The problem is that many simply do not understand how to do the work of building and sustaining healthy relationships. Maybe the desire is there, but investing in the wrong things leads us in the wrong direction when it comes to connecting with others.

For those who are in broken or difficult relationships, Valentine’s Day may seem to pour salt in an open wound. Some will try to ignore all the fuss about love and get to the other side of all the red and pink cards, hearts, and candy as quickly as possible.

I have another idea. Why don’t we celebrate a different type of love this week? What if we use all the hype and advertising blizzards to remind us that we can choose to love life and all of the opportunities that we have every day? We can show love by buying a cup of coffee for a stranger, smiling at someone we normally don’t notice, or taking the time to stop and genuinely listen to someone who could use an ear. Maybe bring a Valentine to someone who’s struggling or down on their luck. Maybe pay a compliment to the very next person you see, no matter who it is.

Brandon couldn’t see over the table. He wheeled himself over to a lower table in the store and asked me to bring my computer over there. I complied but wondered how he was going to work on my computer when he has very little use of his hands and fingers. As I talked with Brandon, I learned that he was working toward a leadership role in the company. He demonstrated strong people skills and was incredibly effective at diagnosing my computer problems. He had adapted so that his environment and physical limitations were no longer impossible obstacles but were assets that he used to pursue his goal of becoming a manager.

He looked at me and said, “I don’t care”. My friend and I were discussing things that were very important to him, but as we talked, he would call out things things that came up that just did not matter to him. He went on to say, “I can’t care about things that are not a priority. If I care about everything, I then can focus on nothing.”

It’s one of the most important ingredients in a growing and successful relationship. It is also the most neglected attribute in many relationships. I’m referring to the ability to actually hear one another. Many times we may think we are listening, but in reality, we are not. To actually hear someone, we must intentionally focus and lean into what that person is saying as well as how they are communicating.

Diversity. What just came to your mind when you read that word? It’s easy to forget that diversity is the backbone of our nation of immigrants. We are a melting pot of people who come from a range of ethnicities, cultures, and socio-economic backgrounds. We know that our differences expand our opportunities and deepen our understanding. We know that when we stand together, our differences make us stronger.

When I met him, he was a young teenage boy searching for something. He knew he wanted to be different from what he had seen and experienced in his life so far. His journey has not been an easy one; to say that he has faced adversity in his life would be an understatement. He has walked through the fire of tribulation not once, but many times. Each time, he could have given up. He could have joined the chorus of people who cave to the truth that life is not fair — certainly, life has not been fair for him. He could have quit trying to achieve his goals, and he could have stopped striving for more.

He chose another path. 

Here we go again. It’s the New Year and with it comes tons of aspirational and idealistic resolutions, goals, and plans… and, if history is any indicator, most of these hopeful New Year's resolutions will be completely abandoned within a few months. Don’t get me wrong, there is nothing wrong with setting goals. We all need a target to shoot towards. The problem is that we do not know how to fail. In fact, the difference between achieving our goals and not is the ability to fail well.

I invite you to listen to this year-end edition of our Crossing The Line podcast. In this episode, I reflected on the interviews that we conducted throughout 2023. I was amazed at the nuggets of truth and wisdom that came from each guest. This short podcast is one great way to think back on your past year. Take a moment and listen and reflect.

The holiday season is here again. With it comes all kinds of celebrations and gatherings. As a society, we collectively participate in the rush toward the end of December when we are supposed to slow down, gather with friends and family, and… do what? The answer to that question is different for everyone. It means something different from family to family and from person to person.

It was the basketball playoffs for a small college team. The winner of this game would play for a championship. The team was down by one point, and as the clock ran out, the guard took a last-second shot. The shot was off-target, and the team lost the game. At the press conference, the young man who missed the final shot was devastated as tears ran down his cheeks.

I learned a valuable relationship hack recently. It is something that I can use immediately with others in my life. It’s called the “yes, and...” rule. It requires strong listening and then taking a conversational route that might not be comfortable for you. Instead of defending or justifying your behavior during a conversation, listen and then respond with, “Yes, and...”. You will be shocked at how this can improve your communication skills.